Drunken Misadventures

drunk texting

This is the a hilarious tale of an email exchange between a drunken student with a poor command of the English language and an extremely forgiving, well-humored, bald professor.

After more than a few drinks, Patrick Davidson emailed his teacher, Mr. Martin asking for an extension on his paper. Then proceeded to offer help with his balding and “bangin” situation, throwing about a few f-bombs in between. Then Davidson thoughtfully closed his email with an uplifting sentiment “keep slayin boi.”

He obviously thinks very highly of Mr. Martin and the professor’s response was perfect. Check out both emails after the break.

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Actor Chris Pratt had some fun promoting his upcoming appearance in GQ (along with Fireball Whiskey) by giving us all an acting lesson, while hilariously drunk. Apparently, whiskey (Fireball only) is what it takes to help you truly understand the imminent threat of being eaten alive by a dinosaur.

See Chris’s tweet and the NSFW (language) video after the break.

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The shambling undead wander about on The Walking Dead like a bunch of drunks, which gave Marca Branca an idea. He replaced the zombies in the opening with footage of actual drunk humans wandering around and it’s a little frightening how well it works. Remember this the next time you’re tempted to have one drink too many.

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Some guy in Queensland had one too many and decided he’d try his luck at stealing a life-size Yoda statue. Since that seemed too easy, he added a little Jedi-level challenge attempting to do this by setting the Jedi Master atop the handlebars of a bike (that he also stole). The man was arrested and Yoda was taken into custody. The best part is the official statement from the police which read:

“Yoda was later released from the Ayr watchhouse without any charges being laid but [a] caution for not wearing a helmet when riding a bike.”

The similarity to the bike scene in E.T. was also not lost on the police who described the similarities as “uncanny”.

Now I want to see a complete recreation of E.T. with a drunken Aussie playing Elliott.

(Brisbane Times via Boing Boing)

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(via Blame It On The Voices)

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I think this week’s “unnecessary spending” award goes to one “uhcougars1151″ from Houston, Texas. Recently, the Redditor indulged in some imbibing and used Uber for a ride to a nearby bar@mdash;and when I say nearby, I mean that Google Maps estimated that the 82-foot journey would’ve taken approximately one minute to walk. Maybe longer if he kept stumbling and falling.

And the cost? Well, despite using the “25 percent off uberX this summer” deal, the total fare came to $4.28. He admits:

“After a night of fairly heavy drinking, I woke up to find I took a very unnecessary cab ride.”

Yeah, I think unnecessary is a bit of an understatement.

(Reddit via Gawker)

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This brawl between two drunk Russian guys is pretty funny to watch, but add in some Street Fighter sound effects and it’s hysterical. Watch as Vodkaman and Drunkenstein swing and miss, and miss, and then fall over on their faces. Really, someone needs to move that car out of the way before one of these guys decides to smash it in a bonus stage.

See both the original and Street Fighter version after the break.

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(via Tosh.0)

drunken cat

Videos like these remind me why I can never have a cat. I would totally spend all my time making weird videos of it sipping vodka and getting into the underwear drawer instead of going to work.

Then we’d both need an intervention which I would, of course, have to film.

See the video after the break…

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James “The Beast” Nielson, a two-time NCAA 5,000m champion, has claimed the record for being the first person to do the Beer Mile in under five minutes.

For the uninitiated: The Beer Mile involves running a mile around a track while stoping every 400 meters to drink a whole can of beer.

Nielson completed the feat in 4 minutes 57 seconds. His wife filmed his progress, and Nielson commented in the video that he’s been training for a year (I’m assuming some beer was involved in all that training).

Check out his attempt after the break..
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