Soda-Flavored Pop-Tarts Are Here, As Are The End Times

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Kellogg’s has teamed up with, y’know, some soda people, to bring the world two new flavors of Pop Tarts – Crush Orange and A&W Root Beer. 

Pop-Tarts Frosted A&W Root Beer are bubbling with root beer-flavored filling, wrapped inside a golden crust, and are topped with sweet white frosting and brown, red and orange crunchlets. Pop-Tarts Frosted Crush Orange citrus-flavored filling will tingle your taste buds with its sweet white frosting and orange string icing.

This prompts us to ask the question: Is this it? Are we done? Is the apocalypse nigh? Are two of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse really into Pop-Tarts? And if so, which ones? I suspect Famine is a fan. Maybe Death? It’s probably Death.

“We’re always trying to surprise our fans with flavors they’ll love,” said Angela Gusse, director of marketing for Pop-Tarts, presumably while donning a robe made from a material that seemed blacker than black, as though light did not hit the surface whatsoever, and sacrificing a confused and malnourished goat to her eldritch toaster gods.

The new flavors will be available in stores across the US starting in May.

Check out more images below.

Frosted Crush Orange Pop-Tarts

Frosted A W Root Beer Pop-Tarts

(Editor’s note: This post was submitted to us as an audio recording of Ben screaming, an unending howl of fear and doubt and dread about the world in which we live. We have transcribed the content of that recording as best we could to produce this post.)

(Kelloggs and Fortune)

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